“It’s comforting to know that if I do need someone to just talk to or resources, I can go to the center and get help,” said Lisa Queener-Johnson, a caregiver to her husband, Curtis Johnson. They’re shown at their home in Buffalo. (Libby March / The Buffalo News)
It took just one visit for Lisa Queener-Johnson to keep going back to the Buffalo Federation of Neighborhood Centers.
Two friends had told Queener-Johnson, a caregiver to her 65-year-old husband with Alzheimer’s disease, about the center and what it offered for people like her and her husband: trips to “mystery” places that were discovered that day, volunteering opportunities at local organizations and yoga classes were a few of the many ways BFNC gave respite care through the “Care Giver Clubhouse” program.
While the two almost always come together, Queener-Johnson is now able to leave her husband − who struggles with being cognizant and as a result, feels uncomfortable without her − at the center for a few hours.
“We support each other. They listen. They’re patient with my husband. It’s just a good atmosphere,” Queener-Johnson said. “It’s comforting to know that if I do need someone to just talk to or resources, I can go to the center and get help.”
A $1.4 million, three-year grant from the Ralph C. Wilson Jr. Foundation will help continue the programming under the Caring Together initiative, and add a new faith-based component: Local churches and ministries of any faith can now work with a full BFNC staff to establish networks to support caregivers in their communities. (Disclosure: Ralph C. Wilson Jr. Foundation supports the New York & Michigan Solutions Journalism Collaborative, of which the Buffalo News is a member.) The networks can be on the churches’ own programming with consultation or allow referrals to what the federation offers.
Under the program, a small federation grant is available to assist ministries and faith wellness champions − people trusted and well-established in their faith-based community − who are being trained to act as a link between the ministries and the federation. Forty churches attended the informational session in April and at least four have committed; the goal is to reach five communities per year.
Help is not limited to only people who care for older adults. Caregivers who support people struggling with mental health issues and children with disabilities often come through BFNC’s resources.
“If we could just help them put something together to be able to provide support, whatever it is that they feel that they need in their congregation, then we can reach more people and provide the service to more,” said Chandra Redfern, the center’s CEO.
First place of triage
Churches are sometimes the first place of triage when someone is struggling, according to Daysi Ball, the director of the center’s Hope Center. Most of BFNC’s participants and their caregivers have an affiliation with a ministry, whether on Buffalo’s East Side − which makes up the majority − or in Erie County.
“Whether that be spiritually, financially or family, a lot of times before you seek out an agency, you’re seeking out those that you trust in your local area ministries to be able to obtain resources,” Ball said. “Everything we do is centered around providing support; whether it is to them directly, whether it’s the ministry saying, “We have someone that’s reaching out, saying that they need help, that they could use some help with their loved one.”
Shannon Carter, the center’s director of special projects, said many leaders of faith-based communities are caregivers themselves. Several of them had told her that they didn’t know how to help the caregivers in their congregations, while they tried to figure it out themselves.
“They feel like, ‘This is my purpose, this is what I’m supposed to do,’” she said. “We are excited to come along and be able to give them those natural and practical resources as well.”
Jeff Carter, the pastor of Ephesus Ministries, which is participating in the program, says that people often come to him and his wife, Vanessa, for guidance.
“Caring for people is draining,” he said. “It almost takes their health away from them if they don’t have the right support system.”
“Caring for people is draining,” said the Rev. Jeff Carter of Ephesus Ministries. He said caregivers often come to him and his wife, Vanessa, for guidance. (Libby March / The Buffalo News)
Vanessa Carter wanted to do everything possible to care for her mother, who was 101 years old by the time she died. It meant a great deal to her whenever someone asked her how she was doing.
“Sometimes I’m not doing so well within my body because I’m exhausted from making sure that my mom or whoever I’m caring for has the proper care they need,” Vanessa Carter said.
The collaboration with BFNC will give these resources to caregivers, Jeff Carter said.
“Let us help you care for yourself spiritually,” he said. “How do we help you to find somewhere outside the isolation that you often are in?”
Shannon Carter, the couple’s daughter, who works as the assistant pastor of Ephesus Ministries, said her work in the program was “quite rewarding.”
“It gives me a chance to take everything I learned and apply it professionally,” Shannon Carter said.
Queener-Johnson, who is non-denominational, said that many members at her church are aware of her husband’s situation and that she gets the same support there, such as food and companionship.
With the federation and her church, Queener-Johnson doesn’t feel alone or overwhelmed.
“It takes away a lot of stress for me,” Queener-Johnson said.
“Caring for people is draining,” said the Rev. Jeff Carter, pastor of Ephesus Ministries. “It almost takes their health away from them if they don’t have the right support system.” Caregivers often come to him and his wife for guidance. (Libby March / The Buffalo News)
‘Caregiving is who God is’
A congregant had spoken at Jeff Carter’s church on a Sunday about a best friend’s family member who was dying. When the family member took their last breath, the congregant asked if he could pray.
Afterward, the best friend told the congregant that if he had not been there, the family would have “lost it,” he said.
“Sometimes people who are taking care of people in some of their worst moments just need somebody to be available,” Jeff Carter said.
Churches can be available for each other under the program’s network.
“You might have someone providing transportation, but then there might be somewhere that someone says, ‘Alright, we’ll come sit with your mom,’” Shannon Carter said.
Availability can come in the form of volunteerism.
Before the coronavirus pandemic, Ramona Pritchett helped at her church’s kitchen. She and her sister, Allison Barker, who Pritchett assists with transportation, have engaged in many volunteering activities through the BFNC.
“Prayer solved so many problems,” said Pritchett. “I carry that with me in all aspects of life.”
Redfern’s work at BFNC is her ministry.
“Caregiving is who God is,” Redfern said. “One of the things why we call it, ‘Caring Together,’ is because we have to all come together to care for all the people that are in the community.”
Debbie Felton, who has been with BFNC since its beginning, says that her faith is her rock when caring for her 93-year-old mother becomes challenging.
“Some days, I’m not one to readily reach out to someone and say, ‘Hey, I need this,’” Felton said. “When you just don’t want to go outside, you can’t go outside or you don’t have that opportunity, there’s no one available to help you through those tough times.”
Tracey Beckham is no longer a member of her church and her father, who is 90, is unable to go. But faith keeps her going.
“Because you know the Bible, you know what’s going to happen,” Beckham said. “And you just lean on it.”
Mylien Lai is a Buffalo News intern, funded by the New York & Michigan Solutions Journalism Collaborative. A senior majoring in biochemistry, she is also the editor-in-chief at the University at Buffalo’s student newspaper, The Spectrum. She is reporting on the experiences of caregivers and the loved ones they support. Email her at mlai@buffnews.com.
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